Great Sex Is Not a Sometime Thing

February 4, 2009

Intimacy is everything.

A number of books have appeared in the last year regarding committed couples having frequent sex.

It’s a great topic, and it has stirred a needed dialogue that counteracts one longstanding perception:

That long-term committed couples are about many things, but intimacy and passion aren’t two of them.

In fact, what these books point out is that great sex the foundation of every relationship.

Of course, this is no great surprise to those who follow the Mars Venus dynamic.

One entertaining and successful book in this group is  Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!) by Douglas Brown, a feature writer for the Denver Post, who chronicles in wonderful detail the bedroom adventures of he and his wife of fourteen years, Annie. Approaching middle age, Doug and Annie set what many long-term couples would consider to be an audacious goal:

To have sex at least once a day for 101 consecutive days.

No excuses were allowed for their daily sexercise: work deadlines, problems with the kids, long days both at the office and at home, no matter what, these two made their goal and stuck to it. While their bedroom was mostly ground zero for their frequent trysts, they also engaged in sex at hotels, at an ashram, in the basement, and once atop a boulder. They paid a visit to the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, took a class in Bikram (hot) yoga to stay limber, and of course stocked up on a lot of candles. Along the way they tried a variety of sex toys, lingerie, lube, vibrators, and more.

Once they reached the end of their 101 consecutive days with having sex, they were surprised to find how much closer they had grown. After their marathon was over, Doug wrote, “Just one hundred days of daily sex had accomplished something important in our relationship that had escaped us during the previous fourteen years. For the first time in our marriage, I think, we really began to fit together.”

As Doug explains, the marathon fundamentally changed their relationship for the better.

Again, not a great surprise to those who follow Mars Venus principles.

Even after being married for many years, it is important to reflect sometimes on how satisfying it is to make love with someone you really know and love with all your heart. In truth, to love someone after seeing both the worst and the best of them is to experience real love. Of course it takes more time and energy to make sexual intimacy a regular part of our shared lives. Not everyday necessarily, but two or three times per week.

Through this frequent intimacy, it comes as a particular surprise to men that mental and emotional intimacy can be as fulfilling as physical intimacy. In the life of a couple that share all forms of intimacy, each one feeds off the other and spurs  both partners to increasingly deeper their levels of intimacy.

When a man eventually tastes the fulfillment of complete physical intimacy with someone with whom he also shares other forms of intimacy, including spiritual intimacy, he cannot go back to having a relationship that is anything less. After a period of time enjoying complete intimacy, just having meaningless sex when you could be making love is like nourishing yourself on junk food while turning down a Thanksgiving feast.

When a man feels that his partner is enthusiastic about physical intimacy, it encourages him to put down his other concerns and open his heart more fully. For a woman his open heart will connect her with romantic thoughts that can linger with her all through the workday and well into the night.

So, set your own goal. 100 days? Go for it. Hey, why not make it 365…say, times ten?

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Other Articles on Romance, Sex & Passion

Why Romance Makes Sense(s): All 5 of Them

A Kiss Is Just a Kiss? Hardly! It’s a Biology Test

Our Top 7 Random Acts of Passion

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Tick tock...tick tock...

MVL Valentine’s Day Countdown Tip #23:

Take a Shower – Together

A great way to relax is to take a shower. If it’s not already part of your usual routine, on Valentine’s Day, start a new tradition: Shower together.

You’ll enjoy feeling the water on your backs, not to mention soaping each other up.  And of course, you’ll have fun drying each other off — before getting in bed together, of course.

Posted in Romance & Sex