Economy Takes a Bite Out of Stocks, While Stress Takes Its Toll on Marriages

March 4, 2009

Divorce is expensive, and misery loves company.

Will the current global economic crisis reduce, or increase, the number of marriages that fail in the coming months and years?

That issue is just as hotly debated among relationship experts as the future course of the economy is among policymakers.

It stands to reason that many cash strapped couples who, in better economic times, may have taken the step to dissolve their relationships are putting their marital discord on the back burner for now.

That said,  I think it’s reasonable to assume that this is just a passing phenomenon; that once the dark economic clouds part, the rate of separation and divorce will, unfortunately, begin to climb again.

Why? Because stress is the number one reason people are having difficulties in relationships today. That said, greater levels of job instability and general economic uncertainty can only help fuel uncertainties that produce stress.

The bottom line: Couples must learn better communication skills.

We can start with this knowledge: Women must be able talk things out, while men must be able to withdraw when they want to think things out.

Conflict is always magnified by stress. And without the ability to assess the verbal and non-verbal messages given by our partners, misunderstandings lead to mistrust.

Needless to say, marital dissatisfaction can dramatically increase in times of stress.

So that it doesn’t lead to divorce, here are three stress-busting tips that could save your marriage in both good and bad times:

1. Men need to create more time for her to talk about the problems of her day without trying to fix or solve those problems. This triggers the release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone.” The release of oxytocin will lower a woman’s stress level. If you want to fix something, help around the house. Otherwise teach yourself to just be a good listener because that is really what she needs.

2. Women need to give men the time and space to decompress after work. Sending him off to the gym or encouraging him to pursue any physical activity after his work day, and follow that activity with thirty minutes of complete rest will help to trigger the release of testosterone, the way the male body counters stress. The average male produces about forty to sixty times more testosterone than an adult female. The process of physical work followed by rest is key to the process of his wellbeing.

3. A man should plan romantic dates that his partner can anticipate. This helps to dramatically lower the stress in her life by encouraging the release of higher levels of oxytocin all week long spurred by a sense of positive anticipation. Getting away form the rest of the world and the daily issues that preoccupy all of us has an especially powerful effect on a woman.

Hopefully  a few years from now we’ll all look back on this depression as a time in which we pulled together, and made the world a better place. Doing so will work for your marriage, too – if you put the same effort toward understanding your spouse.

–John Gray

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