Five Very Important Things to Say to Your Teen About Sexting

March 19, 2009

No sexting means no regrets.

Parents, if you haven’t talked to your ‘tweens about sex, you’re far behind the eight-ball.

They already know where that body (part) is buried.

So instead, fast-forward to the topic at hand: “sexting,” which, for the uninformed (you need to get WiFi in that cave!) means sending nude pictures via text message.

In fact, according to a nationwide survey conducted by the National Campaign to Support Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, a full 20 percent of teens admit that they’ve already sexted.

While this isn’t exactly what you want to hear, it’s certainly something you need to know.

And now your sons or daughters need to know some things, too: like why it’s important to keep their private parts from being exposed for an ether-eternity.

“Parents must let their daughters know that, while sexting can certainly titilate a boy’s interest, in can often backfire. Why? Because it’s a quick fix, not true intimacy. And nothing makes a boy lose interest faster,” says MarsVenusLiving.com’s John Gray.

With teen boys, immediate physical stimulation tends to cause a rebound effect, explains John. “It’s what I call the ‘rubberband effect.’ In fact, this is true for men of all ages, but in varying degrees: when men are attracted to women, they get close, then pull away, based on their doubts or fears.”

But if you give him enough space, John adds, he’ll be attracted to you once again.

All the more reason to take things slow. “A girl  first becomes emotionally attached. The stronger that attraction, the stronger the physical attraction that follows. That said, she just assumes the same for her boyfriend:  if he’s interested in her physically, then he’s interested in her emotionally as well. Well, this isn’t true.”

So, how does a parent open that discussion?

Here are five sure-fire ways to get your child’s attention–and to ensure they keep their clothes on (at least, while in range of any cellphone’s camera or videocam):

1. “Your body is beautiful. And precious. All the more reason to keep it private.” All teans have self-image issues: all the more reason why she needs your nurturing and assurance every day, and every way you can say it. By building her up, you won’t let her down.

2. “The Net is forever. That may not be true for your relationship – so don’t chance it.” Ignorance is not bliss. The more she knows about how the net works, the better off she’ll be. This is homework you should do together.

3.”If your boyfriend truly loves you, he respects you. Having a nude photo of you in his cell phone – which is easy to lose, or send even accidentally – doesn’t prove respect.” Actions speak louder than words – and she shouldn’t have to defend his actions.

4. “All adults live with regrets. But a sign of maturity is that you can assess situations before you regret them.” You’re giving her an important message: you trust her to make the right decision -  in this case particularly.

5. “If you’re under 18, sending or receiving a nude picture, be it over a cell phone or a computer, or in the mail, is considered child pornography, and may mean jail time.” If all else fails, informing her of the legal consequences may keep her from making a  mistake she’ll regret for a very long time.

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Other MVL Parenting Articles:

How an Empty Nest Can Improve Your Marriage

Helicopter Parents: Grounding Your Natural Instincts

Sex Education, Part 1: What Both Parents and Teens Should Know

Sex Education, Part 2: Answering Tough Questions

Your Child’s 8 Different Forms of Intelligences

The Five Essential Messages of Positive Parenting

Parents, Beware of the Feelings Trap

When Your Child Meets a Challenge

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To learn more about the power of positive parenting,

visit the John Gray library for your own copy of

Children Are From Heaven

Posted in Parenting, Teens