For Love or Money? The Real Reason We Fall in Love

April 18, 2009

Does money make a difference in whom we love?

If a 2008 survey of 2,286 singles conducted by the popular dating site, True.com, is any indication, the answer to that age-old question, “For Love or Money?” comes down squarely on the side of love.

The survey which involved 1,1,85 single males and 1,101 single females, revealed that 95% of men and 87% of women agree that it does not matter if you make more money than the person you are dating.

There were six other key findings as well:

• 49% of men and 36% of women stated they would not curb their dating spending in a tight economy.

•  87% of men and 80% of women responded they would stay in a relationship where their partner had substantial credit card debt or had filed for bankruptcy.

•  67% of women and 66% of men claim they have never kept financial secrets from someone they are dating.

• 64% of men and 63% of women don’t tend to argue with their partner about money.

• 73% of men and 68% of women feel secure in their current financial situation.

•  Less than 1% of women think that they should pay for the first date.

Taking the last point first, that less than 1% of women think that they should pay for the first date, this appears to be one custom from a bygone age that has stayed with us. While most couples that are dating exclusively like to share in all their expenses, whether that’s a dinner and a movie or a weekend away, the idea that a man pays for dinner on the first date still holds strong and is seen as a traditional act of chivalry.

At the same time most couples, after an initial date, or two, would prefer to split expenses. And, in spite of these survey results, it is still common for one partner to experience a level of discomfort when there is a notable disparity in income levels. A ten-day trip to Paris, for example, with a price tag of $4,000, is just not financially feasible for both partners as a 50/50 cost split. Based on proportionate income a 75/25 split, however, would work.

In face of that reality, should the partner with the lesser income pass because of an underlying discomfort over the inequitable split in the cost of the trip? This is a relationship dilemma that is quite common. It reveals the wisdom of having a full and honest conversation about money because these types of issues come up sooner or later.

Perhaps it would be nice if both partners always had an equal income. But, in truth, that is rarely the case. And as you can see from this survey alone, the concern about economic disparity inside a relationship is not nearly as significant as most people would imagine.

Given that concern, why does the importance of love, so vastly outpace money for the vast majority of us? Here’s one simple reason. Most of us recognize that money buys convenience it never buys lasting happiness. When we reach the end of our lives we are focused on the love we have shared, not the ups and downs of our investments. Even Dickens’ Ebenezer Scrooge learned the lesson that money alone does not buy happiness.

Invariably income disparities mean more to the partner making the lesser sum of money. What we fail to understand if and when we find ourselves in that position is that money only has real meaning in terms of what we can do with it. If happiness is going on a trip to Paris together, than paying a higher or lower share of the expense of that trip, for most people, will be quickly forgotten. Wise people know that in their journey through life, the one thing that is better to accumulate than money, is happy, loving memories.

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Other MVL Articles about Dating, Singles and Divorce

Ten Great Places to Meet Your Soul Mate

How to Call a Guy

Martians Need to Learn the Art of the Apology

Walking Away from Intimate Violence

Why Women Won’t Say: “I Love You, Man Boy.”

Why Guys Don’t Call

Dating on a Budget

Reel Romance: 4 Date Night Films

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Posted in Dating, –Dating Trends