In relationships, timing is everything.
Dear John, I’m so conflicted. I’ve got a terrific boyfriend and I could see how he could be my Mr. Right. My problem is that I’m twenty-three and he’s thirty-two. He’s thinking commitment and I’m thinking of staying commitment-free, at least for now. Can I keep him in my life, hopefully as my boyfriend, but put the commitment part on hold for now?
—Too Soon To Be Too Serious, in Goodyear, AZ
Dear Too Soon,
When you’ve found the right person at the wrong time, it’s important that you recognize the fact that you can’t change reality. Instead, settle upon the guiding principle that you will always do your best to simply follow your heart.
If you don’t, there is a good chance that you will always feel that you cheated yourself of the opportunity to grow and learn on your own unattached from a committed relationship. Here’s why.
The ages of 21 through 28 are an important time in our lives to enjoy our personal freedom. Free of our parent’s ever-watchful eyes, we often use this time in our lives to try new things. Now is a good time to ask if you feel incomplete in areas of your life not connected to your relationship.
For example, have you embarked on a career that truly interests you? Have you taken a deep look at your unique personal interests? Are you anxious to travel and discover new places? Is there a creative interest that you are hoping to cultivate but have never had the chance to fully explore?
Be aware of the fact that you may be putting off on your boyfriend your own reluctance to get going on some of your individual interests. In other words, if you want to pursue another career, or a particular creative interest, he may be supportive of that effort.
Countless committed couples are in long-term relationships and continue to support the individual dreams and goals that their partners have.
Particularly if you lack a commitment and a desire for moving forward, it’s wise at your age to take time out from the relationship and consider more clearly your various options. By not doing this, there is a very good chance that you are needlessly creating tension that is unfair to both of you.
By all means, wait until it is the right time. Doing so may make you realize that you really do want to stay engaged in this relationship.
I’m living proof that you can’t force yourself to feel it is the right time if you aren’t ready. I met my soul mate, Bonnie, four years before the timing was right. We drifted in and out of each others’ lives. Eventually we did come together, and we’ve been a couple ever since.
If you are truly meant to be a lasting couple, you’ll come together again when the time is right for both of you.
_
Read Another John Gray Q&A here…
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