The 12 Different Love Needs of Women and Men

May 28, 2009

There is no doubt that humans are complex in a variety of ways. When it comes to our emotional needs, however, we can be summed up in one word: LOVE.

Men and women each have six unique love needs and those needs are of equal importance. Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.

The huge and essential task of figuring out what our partner needs is greatly simplified through understanding these twelve different types of love.

Once you review and consider these various forms of love, you can better understand those times when your partner has felt unloved, and unappreciated. Most importantly this list can give you a new direction to improve your relationship with your significant other, and your relationships with any member of the opposite sex.

Men become fully receptive to and appreciative of the six different kinds of love needed by women when their own primary love needs are being met. This is true of a woman as well. When her needs are being met she is more adept at meeting the needs of her mate.

Men particularly tend to focus on their needs, often losing track of the fact that the kind of love they need is not greatly helpful or supportive of their favorite Venusian. Women won’t forget, as men often do, to give and express love. The problem for women is too often they will also give the kinds of love and support that they themselves would have wanted.

In practice, however, a practical understanding of these different kinds of love shows that they can be reciprocal. This becomes clearer when you look at these loving acts in a side-by-side comparison.

Women Need to Receive / Men Need to Receive

1. Caring / 1. Trust

2. Understanding / 2.  Acceptance

3. Respect / 3.  Appreciation

4. Devotion / 4.  Admiration

5. Validation / 5.  Approval

6. Reassurance / 6.  Encouragement

When a Martian expresses his care and understanding, a Venusian will reciprocate with trust and acceptance. The same thing will happen when a Venusian expresses her trust of a Martian, he will reciprocate with the caring response that she has been seeking.

Without even knowing this dynamic, experienced couples are aware of its existence. This is why at times they will see negative actions by one partner start a chain reaction of negative behavior, whereas one loving act will have the opposite effect and lead to another loving act in return.

Tomorrow we will look at why Venusians need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. And why they value these acts so greatly. Equally we will look at why Martians need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement; and how these signs of love give men the support that they need to succeed.

You’ve heard of the circle of life. Think of this as the circle of love.

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Posted in Couple Communication, Marriage, Newlyweds