Resisting Resentment Flu
All marriages have their good streaks and bad patches. We tend to forget the good when going through the bad, and vice versa. Unfortunately during times of stress and emotional upset it is easy to fall into a cycle of resentment and blame—a resentment flu. Here’s a few tips for a fast recovery.
Perhaps, today, with both spouses working, the opportunities for stress and resentment have never been higher. Women are particularly susceptible to catching a bad case of the resentment flu. A condition that occurs when a woman feels that she is carrying more than her fair share of the daily burden to take care of the home, raise and protect the children, work a job, and bring home a significant portion of the household income.
It is not at all uncommon in our current era to see a woman work a full day in the office, pickup the children from their daycare or after school programs, stop to do some grocery shopping, go home and start preparing dinner.
Men raised in a home where there father’s did little if anything to assist in domestic chores are not going to think it is a problem that their wives are making dinner, and cleaning up afterwards. Unfortunately typical Martian behavior does not suggest that he will ask if you need any help if you go about your chores without complaint.
You can imagine that, given these circumstances, the conditions are ripe for her to catch a bad case of the resentment flu. For a week, a month, or in some cases longer, she will go about doing what she thinks needs to be done, filling with resentment, but all along censoring her own complaints. Right now you’re on the road to even greater resentment and that is not a path either of you want to go down.
Recognize instead that as a couple committed to your mutual welfare, there is something more important you can do for each other. In fact, the man wants to be appreciated more openly by her, and she wants to feel supported by him. When men are appreciated they rise in spirit and will take on a whole host of tasks their wives never imagined them doing. In turn women sensing the true support of their husbands, feel burdens lifting off of them even if their daily workload remains unchanged.
The totally unexpected appearance of a vase filled with flowers and a little love note, breaks a bad bout of the resentment flu. On top of that hearing her husband say, “Do you need help with that? Or, “what can I do to help get dinner ready?” lifts her spirits and lightens a pressing load.
Never forget that your marriage is a loving partnership. Being there to give each other generous portions of the appreciation and support you both badly need from time to time is the best way to break the blame game and get back to the game of love.
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MVL Valentine’s Day Countdown Tip #5:
Food Sets the Mood
Even if your plans for the 14th are to stay at home, the kitchen can be a great place for romance. Keep things simple, and prepare ahead. Consider comfort food dishes that you and your partner love already, because they hold specially memories. Do try one thing new: maybe a yummy dessert. What makes meal really special: the setting! Tablecloth, candles, flowers, and other accoutrements will set the tone. Just be creative, and know that the really sweet part occurs after dinner…
