Date Again, but Don’t Sleep Around

February 9, 2009

Getting too intimate too soon may break your heart again.

When you’re ready to begin your search for a new companion, remember this one simple rule:

Date around, don’t sleep around.

Getting physically intimate too soon will only enhance the chance that you will build a quick attachment to a certain someone. However, if  that relationship breaks up, you’ll once more suffer the anguish of losing love. Here’s why.

How Women Typically View Sex

When she associates dating with sex, a woman’s tendency is to push away male companionship and affection – all the more reason to play cautiously with your heart and make every effort to keep sexual intimacy out of the equation in the early stages of dating.

Your first reaction to this advice might be, “No problem, since no men are asking me out anyway!” If that’s your thought, ask yourself if it’s possible that you are doing something unknowingly to push men away. Are you looking at the possibility of a date as time spent with a possible future mate? Because if you are, then there is a good chance that you’re being too picky.

More Dates, Less Anxiety

Instead, date to have fun, and companionship. Not every man you date has to have great potential. Just go out and have a nice time, without any pressure and without any great anticipation.

To free yourself from the long list of expectations that most divorced women carry around with them in their minds and hearts, it’s important to temporarily throw that list away and see what possible male friends are out there. One way to do accomplish this is to date several men in a very close span of time. Have a dinner date on a Saturday night with one man, and have a movie date on a Sunday afternoon with another man. It’s equally important to remember that when you keep physical intimacy out of the equation it’s far less likely that you will find yourself once again getting too involved too early or bearing the pain of a newly wounded heart.

You don’t want to be heavily invested in any one relationship, and sexual activity deepens the investment you have, whether you think that to be the case or not. However having platonic dates with many men  over a short span of time makes you (1) feel popular and desired and (2) keeps your emotions more resilient to the ups and downs that occur in most starting relationships.

Another advantage for taking sex out of the equation: Any qualms about being monogamous in your new dating life goes away. Early sexual intimacy has become so common in the modern era that we forget that, at one time, a woman having several suitors was common the norm because the relationships had not yet become sexually intimate. Without that level of commitment, you open up many possibilities to rediscover your dating life and sharpen your dating skills.

More Dates, Better Choices

In time, one of those new companions will likely develop into a more serious, and at some point physically intimate, relationship. Having spent time, however, dating around as opposed to sleeping around, you’ll feel far more secure in your decision that this new man is indeed the life partner you’ve spent a lifetime hoping to find.

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Other MVL Divorce Articles

3 Steps for Mending a Broken Heart

Can You Ever Forgive Him? Yes, and Here’s How

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Tick tock...tick tock...

MVL’s Valentine’s Day Countdown Tip #26:

The Look of Love

The reflection of your love for your beloved belongs on your bathroom mirror.

Tape it there, or eave it on a sticky note.

Or write a love note in shaving cream. (But not lipstick; too hard to clean, and too expensive to ruin!)

Here’s the perfect message to leave: “Every time I look into your face, I see the love in your heart. It will always be a reflection of my own.”  ‘Nuf said.

Posted in Divorce