Why Guys Don’t Call

Why won't he call? It's a guy thing...

In an age of high-speed communication, most Martians are still burdened with post-date call reluctance.

Although in today’s world that might be better described as post-date texting reluctance.

This leads to many confused, disappointed, and often upset Venusians. And, what neither he nor she realizes is that both of them are the victims of their basic behavioral programming.

Here’s the how and why men don’t call or text— and what women can do when the guy they have been waiting to hear from finally does reach out.

First, it’s important to understand that a man is instinctively reluctant to reveal his excitement about a first date, or a chance meeting. Why? Because he assumes that will make him appear needy and therefore weaken his position in any possible future relationship.

Martians pride themselves on appearing confident and independent. In business this principle can serve men well, but in the world of intimate relationships it’s totally off the mark. When a man finally does reach out with a call or text message, there’s a good chance that the woman he is contacting is already annoyed with him, to say the very least.

Next, her message back, or the tone of her voice, clearly lets him know that she is not pleased with the delay. That vivacious and radiant woman he felt he met several days earlier is no longer warm and responsive. She now sounds mistrusting, rejecting, and all those other characteristics that send a man running in the opposite direction. Just as she originally wanted a call to reassure her about the good time they had together, he was hoping for some positive encouragement that he is indeed capable of pleasing her.

By not understanding and recognizing our different needs and motivations, it’s easy to see how we may unknowingly turn each other off.

Men generally are not going to overcome their call or text reluctance because they see it as a vulnerability. The simple truth is that women today are looking for a new kind of relationship. They want intimate communication and they don’t want to settle for anything less than lasting romance. To achieve this, new relationship skills are required. Today’s woman needs to be not only soft and feminine–

–But also assertive.

Not that many years ago it was taboo for a woman to call a man. That was thought to be too pushy. We’ve come a long way since then. So yes, go ahead and hit his digits.

Granted, any action that a woman takes in pursuit of building a relationship with a particular male involves a degree of risk. Too strong of an approach and she certainly runs the risk of chasing a man away. But there are ways for a woman to call without sabotaging a future relationship.

Tomorrow, in the second part of this story, we’re going to cover seven guidelines for picking up the phone and calling him. A bold approach, that when you have a deeper understanding of how men think, can work remarkably well in getting you the reassurance you need that this is a relationship worth cultivating and assure him of the support that he needs to realize that he can succeed in pursuing a relationship with you.

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Other MVL Articles about Dating, Singles and Divorce

Ten Great Places to Meet Your Soul Mate

Martians Need to Learn the Art of the Apology

Walking Away from Intimate Violence

Why Women Won’t Say: “I Love You, Man Boy.”

Dating on a Budget

Reel Romance: 4 Date Night Films

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Tired of Flirting? Must Be Time to Get Serious.

Read Mars and Venus on a Date