Sex Education: What Both Parents and Teens Should Know

Sex education: it starts with conversation.

Just about every parent – and of course every child – has a degree of unease when it comes to discussing sex. But realistically, none of us can depend solely on the sex education courses taught at school to meet all of our child’s essential need-to-know questions on this difficult and all-important topic.

That’s where you, the parent, comes in.

It could be an issue of educational standards, or a simple matter of how much your child was paying attention in class, or even in attendance during all classes of the school’s entire sex education program. So as awkward as it might at times be, we need to accept the fact that ultimately sex education is the responsibility of the parent, and not the school.

Obviously the question on every parent’s mind is how to begin this dialogue. In the first part of this two-part article,m we offer six tips on getting that conversation going and keeping the door open to help your child deal with sexual issues as they arise in his or her life:

1. Use the fact that the media saturates us with sexual imagery as a starting point for a discussion.

During a show that deals with an aspect of sexual behavior, say something like: “We should talk about this program later because I’d like to get your thoughts and impressions on what we’re seeing.”

2. Don’t make the need to talk into a big deal with troubling overtones.

Saying something ominous like, “I have something serious that I want to discuss with you…” sends an negative message to your teen – and makes him clam up or become embarrassed. Instead, make every effort to play it low-key and have an initial conversation on the way to the park to throw a football around, or when the two of you are sharing a dessert together. The less of a big build-up on your part regarding the importance of this conversation, the better.

3. Speak in a simple and direct manner. State your thoughts on both the issues of oral sex and intercourse.

Don’t be overly dramatic in describing the risks in various sexual behaviors. Aim to be honest and informational. This isn’t meant to be a sermon, but rather a time to discuss the emotional pitfalls involved in sexual intimacy, the risks of pregnancy, and the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). For example, one of the fastest growing cancers is throat and tonsilar. Doctors now suspect one cause of this to be HPV, or human papillomavirus, which is usually transmitted via oral sex.

4. This is not a time to play Mommy or Daddy Knows Best.

Rather, you want to be a mature and responsible voice offering input, suggestions and guidance. Not only do you not need to know all the answers it’s better that you don’t. If your son or daughter has a question about an STD that they heard about at school, that you happen to know nothing about, say that you’re not sure, and sit down and do some research together on the web or elsewhere. Learning together will draw you closer together, whereas lecturing will push you further apart.

5.  Ask  for your child’s point of view. You want to hear and know his or her feelings.

The more they open up about their own issues,the more successful you have been in creating a dialogue with them. Remember: Do not push. Opening the door is the most important thing. Your son or daughter may have no questions that they come out and ask you in this initial conversation, but they may well follow-up with questions in the days and weeks to come.

6. And finally, remind your child that sexual intimacy is not only a physical act, but also one that involves moral, ethical, emotional, even spiritual choices.

An active and healthy sexual life is not to be dreaded, but rather welcomed as part of our maturing into our adulthood. It’s always difficult for a parent to shift roles, but now is the time you need to be for them a trusted friend and a welcoming voice. Don’t feel rejected if they want to continue this conversation with others. Your job is to open the dialogue and to let them know that you are always open to further conversation.

Next Friday, in Part Two of Sex Education: What Parents and Teens Should Know, we’ll discuss how to respond your child’s most difficult questions about sex and sexuality.

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Other MVL Parenting Articles:

How an Empty Nest Can Improve Your Marriage

The Five Essential Messages of Positive Parenting

When Your Child Meets a Challenge

To learn more about the power of positive parenting, visit the John Gray library for your own copy of Children Are From Heaven.

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Tick tock...tick tock...

MVL’s Valentine’s Day Countdown Tip #23:

Picture This

The simplest gift to give your beloved: a treasured photo, reframed. Many photos we display are in frames that don’t do them justice. With a beautiful new frame, you give the photo – and the memory captures – new life.

Another suggestion: If your computer contains a jpg file of the two of you that has never been printed, do so before February 14th. And remember: make the frame worthy of the photo and the memory!