Martians Need Love Too
June 15, 2009
A man thrives when he feels appreciated.
It’s difficult to say at what point our culture began awakening to the reality that Martians need love too. Thankfully we have although when you look at many of our cultural stereotypes it is also easy to see why our grasp of this concept can be tenuous.
After all between a steady diet of “reality” TV shows portraying one unfeeling macho guy after another, to a long list of films with men who are better at jumping off buildings and miraculously surviving than they are at showing their vulnerable side, it’s easy to see why many of us would have a hard time imaging a man who thrives when the light of love is shone upon him.
But in real life, men really do need to be loved. Just as women are sensitive to feeling rejected when they don’t get the attention they need, men are sensitive to feeling that they have somehow failed when a woman talks about her problems. And this is why, at times, it so hard for a man to listen. In his mind, her worries equal his failures.
The male mind is attuned to being the hero. When she is disappointed or unhappy over anything, he feels responsible. In fact, her unhappiness confirms his deepest fear: he is just not good enough for the woman that he has chosen as his mate. Often women will wonder why they feel their guy pulling away, at the root of his withdrawal may very well be this sense of being an unsuccessful partner.
Many women today don’t realize how vulnerable men are and how much they need love too. In previous generations a man could show his love and devotion by securing and maintaining steady employment. He faithfully brought home his earnings and she faithfully kept a home and was the principle provider of care and nurturing for their offspring.
This is not to say that by any means this was an idyllic lifestyle. It is still, however, deeply rooted in the human experience. Nature is all about survival. He hunts and returns with the bounty. Why does he return? Because he is pleased to see that his efforts receive her approval. She has an equally strong biological directive to nurture the family. In both the male and female roles the motivation  to want to accomplish these tasks satisfies natures highest purpose: survival of the species.
Consider how this programing is disrupted when he is not able to please his partner. For example, he may not make a satisfactory income, and her income may be more important to the family’s success than his. In that case most men will try to please by taking care of at least some if not all of the domestic needs of the home. But in this role if his efforts are also not appreciated his instinctive programing tells him that he is not loved and in a short period of time he will begin to pull away from the relationship.
From the standpoint of basic human need, for all those who think that men don’t need the reward of love, consider this simple reality. Eighty generations back in your family tree why did dad keep returning to mom with his bounty of the day? Why didn’t he just move in with a new partner every month who admired his hunting skills?
The answer is simple: he had a greater motivation to enjoy that loving feeling he felt when he saw her look of welcome and satisfaction. Â This is very important to all of us as a species. Remember, no them, no us.
So it’s no mystery that Martians need love too. Ultimately it’s true that love really does make the world go around. Whether he’s dragging back the carcass of a water buffalo, or he just finished trimming the hedges, let him know how pleased you are with his efforts and he’ll keep working hard to earn your love.
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