Fathers: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

June 21, 2009

Dads have shown their love in different ways down through the generations.

The dad’s role in the family keeps evolving. A Boomer dad is quite different than a Great Generation dad and a Generation X or Generation Y dad is different then there own dad and granddad.

But while we, and the media focus on these changing roles, dads have become increasingly involved in the day-to-day needs of their children (particularly in a recession in which laid-off dads are also stay-at-home fathers and Mr. Moms), we tend to lose sight of the many ways in which a dad of 2009 is still much like a dad of 1959.

Certainly the images evoked by Norman Rockwell, dad coming home to his pipe and slippers, are now quaint and in a sense laughably outdated; but in the real lives of private people dads really are not all that different.

That 1959 dad greatly anticipated playing with his children. It was just as easy for him to throw a football around with his son then as it is now. Today a dad is expected to interact with his daughter more fully. But it’s questionable whether today’s dad has an easier time playing tea-time in the doll house than his great granddad had with the little girl who today is that dad’s grandmother.

Responsibilities certainly change, and the swift evolution that we have witnessed from one spouse income homes to two head of household earners, have brought about big changes in the daily roles of both moms and dads.

But on this day as we pause to celebrate those things that we remember about our dads and honor today’s dads for, most of those gender specific roles have not changed. There are some who would seek to minimize the importance of a dad in the home, but ideally every child receives the benefit of having both a mom and a dad in the house.

A father’s love offers a counterbalance to a mother’s love. One parent might push and challenge a little bit more and the other might cuddle and support a little bit more, but nature had a pretty good idea of what it was doing when it designed us as the type of creatures who thrive under the watchful eye of a male and female parent.

Most dad’s treasure those times when they can take their kids on an outing. Whether it’s camping, a visit to the zoo, or a trip to the ballgame, dad’s love to do those things with their kids that they remember doing with their dads. And as kids mature it is usually the dad who is first to be able to drop the parent role in exchange for the role of trusted friend. This is probably because dad’s don’t nurture in the way mom’s do. Often in a home with sons and no father, a mother will look for opportunities to have a “male mentor,” who can be close to the boys. And for girls this is often a desired arrangement as well.

Nearly every dad wants to be a part of his child’s life. There are of course exceptions to the rule, Barack Obama’s dad apparently being one of those. But as a general rule dad’s want to be there when their son’s play in their first Little League game and their daughter’s participate in their first dance recital. Whatever the moment, if you look around, it’s usually the dad’s, the gadget geeks, who are proudly standing nearby capturing every moment on their new ultra small, high definition, digital video recorder.

Millions of dad’s are loving, thoughtful, supportive, caring individuals. They were in 1959, they are today, and most likely will be just that in 2059. Today’s dad might carry a diaper bag but carries no more love in his heart for his children than dads long ago carried for their sons and daughters.

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