Sometimes guys need more than a little push to get beyond their uncertainty.
One of the ways a man starting over pushes love away is to proclaim to himself and his circle of family and friends that he simply “cannot make up his mind,” about a woman he finds, “very attractive, and desirable.” In fact this is not only true of the man starting over, but often of that classic case of the “confirmed bachelor.”
What’s happening in this situation, more often than not, is that whenever he thinks about making a commitment to one woman, he begins to think of all the good qualities of the other woman or women in his life. Of course he may be fooling himself with this game as well. Protecting himself from entering into a committed relationship by deliberately, if subconsciously, complicating his romantic life with the pursuit of more than one woman at a time.
Here’s the simple path that he can follow if it is his hope to establish a meaningful and lasting relationship with one woman who in time may become a cherished life partner.
For any relationship to have a realistic chance at success it takes a consistent and monogamous blending of energies for us to recognize a soul mate. To know if he wants to share his life with one particular woman, a man’s love for a woman must have a realistic chance to grow. Whenever he has sex with another woman during this bonding period, the bond breaks and he has to start all over again.
Without at least three to four months of exclusivity, it is impossible for a man to really know if any one woman is indeed his future soul mate.
The only way for him to stop this endless cycle of bouncing back and forth between two or more relationships is to pick one partner and at least temporarily forget the others. The objective during this period of exclusivity is to pursue one relationship to its conclusion. During this time a man must be very careful to remain sexually exclusive and not even flirt with another woman.
After a period of exclusivity, if he decides to end the relationship, he needs to be clear in his own mind that we will not go back and restart the same relationship. Ultimately, if he wants to date around, that is fine, but before he makes a commitment again with a woman, he must no that he has signed off on any other woman in his life.
It is a complete waste of time and totally counterproductive for a man to be intimate and have sex with a partner if she is difinitely not the one. Sure a fling is fun, but not when it comes at the cost of distracting a man from the far more satisfying pursuit of a lasting and meaningful relationship. By taking the time to get it right, he will not be plagued by future doubts that he is missing out on all those other relationships that have floated through his life. Lasting love and commitment only succeeds when an honest investment of loving and caring is made. When a man can make that honest commitment, he usually is genuinely pleased with the result.
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Other MVL Articles on Divorce
3 Steps for Mending a Broken Heart
Divorced? Honor the 90-10 Principle
After Divorce, Single Doesn’t Mean Lonely
Can You Ever Forgive Him? Yes, and Here’s How
Date Again, But Don’t Sleep Around
Forty Years of No-Fault Divorce
Fighting a Divorce Online: A Cautionary Tale
Divorced? Don’t Hurt Your Chances for Finding Love Again
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Is John Gray’s book specifically for those who are divorced
and looking to move on from grief to love.
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