In The Art of Attraction, Men Pursue
July 22, 2009
He's waiting for your signal to come closer...
Last week we did a story called, “Twelve Ways Women Flirt,” this week it’s time to discuss the guys side of the attraction game.
When a man pursues a woman, he is interacting in a manner that says he is interested in finding out if he is the one for her. But when first getting to know a woman, a man should be careful to build some rapport before asking for her cell number. Before he even approaches he should first display his interest nonverbally, and wait for a clear response from her well before he makes his approach. That said, for most men those first words can be tough to get out.
It is perfectly normal for a man to become tongue-tied when he first meets a woman he in interested in. This is one more example of how men and women are different. Men tend to process language with greater difficulty than women. This is due in part to the simple fact that men use only one part of the brain at a time. For a woman it is relatively easy to speak when she feels a strong attraction. Men, on the other hand, are so preoccupied by the strong sense of attraction they are feeling that forming words in front of a woman that they are attracted to can become a really difficult task. Therefore the image of the modern, bar-dwelling Neanderthal. You know, the guy with the nice look, and a bag of marbles in his mouth.
For most men, it is a great relief to find out that almost all men stutter and fumble when approaching a woman for the first time. Here’s the really important news: women are used to tongue-tied men, and they are not judgmental about it. Actually they instinctively find this quality endearing. Men in pursuit need to do their best to relax and remember that nature knows what it’s doing. If shy guys never managed to win a mate, the world’s population would take a dramatic drop, and that’s not about to happen. In fact in many ways the more inarticulate a man is, the more complimented a woman will feel.
A woman is impressed when a man is willing to try to meet her even though he doesn’t have all the answers or isn’t perfectly smooth in his ability to communicate. And, if you’re a guy who’s just impossibly tongue tied, try this, tilt your head slightly to the side and give a little smile. Your willingness to take a risk tells her a lot about you and ultimately women are more attracted to guys with good listening skills as opposed to smooth talkers.
Men should also remember that in the act of pursuit they can avoid a cold start by asking the friend of a girl to make an introduction and therefore get beyond those first uncomfortable minutes. Finally, a thought about opening lines. This is a subject that guys have debated for years. Forget the clever one liners, that’s the world of movies and scriptwriters. Try a simple direct approach, “Hi my name is John, what’s your name?” In truth it’s not what words come out first, but rather getting a conversation going. Small steps are generally much more effective when looking to take a giant leap into a lasting, and happy relationship.
The topics of flirting and pursuit are covered along with much more in John Gray’s number-one bestselling book, “Mars and Venus on a Date.”
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Other MVL Articles about Dating, Singles and Divorce
Ten Great Places to Meet Your Soul Mate
Twelve Ways in which Women Flirt
Dear Lauren: “I Want Him to Kiss Me”
Dear Lauren: Why Is the Honeymoon Over?
Dear Lauren: Waiting for Him to Pop the Question
Dear Lauren: Long Distance Dating
Dear Lauren: Yes, Shy Guys Can Get the Girl
Dear Lauren: His Gal Pal Has an Eating Disorder
Martians Need to Learn the Art of the Apology
Dear Lauren: She’s Dating a Younger Guy
Dear Lauren: Best Friend, Girl Friend, or Gal Pal?
Dear Lauren: “Does College Mean We’ll Break Up?”
Dear Lauren: “He Won’t Commit!”
Walking Away from Intimate Violence
Why Women Won’t Say: “I Love You, Man Boy.”
Dear Lauren: She Wants to Be a Virgin Again
Dear Lauren: Cave Time for Guys?
Reel Romance: 4 Date Night Films
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Tired of Flirting? Must Be Time to Get Serious.
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July 23rd, 2009 at 1:04 AM
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