Learning to Love Yourself: Why It’s Important
August 12, 2009
When we talk about relationships we get so quickly involved in the topic of loving our partner, our children, siblings, parents, close friends, and other important people in our lives, that we forget about the relationship we have with ourselves.
As human beings, we have an endless stream of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs that must be satisfied. Frustration at any of these levels can produce suffering. There is one need so fundamental and essential that, when not met, causes everything else to fail or fall short. That need is the need for love – love of others and love of ourselves.
In truth, this need for love outweighs all others. Without love you can never feel a genuine sense of fulfillment. It is the foundation of security upon which you build a successful life.
No matter how much you accomplish or acquire in life, it cannot supersede your basic need for love. The need for love begins with your need to love yourself. When you are not able to love yourself, it becomes very difficult for others to love you. Self-love is essential if you are to receive the love you want and deserve.
When you love yourself in the presence of others, you are able to express your inner gifts and talents without fear of imagined restrictions. The more you love yourself, the greater freedom you feel to express yourself. The more you express yourself, the easier it is for people to appreciate the real you and not simply the image you project. The more appreciation and love you receive, the more you can love yourself. This is a cycle of increasing love and honest self-expression. When you don’t love yourself this cycle moves in the opposite direction, decreasing love and diminished self-expression.
To better focus on loving yourself remember these five important messages.
1. It’s okay to appreciate yourself. We are taught from childhood that to appreciate yourself is vain, and vanity is not good. Modesty is an admirable quality, but we often do too good a job selling modesty to ourselves and therefore diminishing our self-appreciation for those things that we have accomplished and done well.
2. It’s okay to desire for yourself. We are taught to share early in life. Again, this is an admirable quality. The problem is that as we seek the love and acceptance of our parents and elders many of us become expert at self-sacrifice without learning that some of our dreams will only be accomplished if we focus on our own wants and needs.
3. It’s okay to be yourself. If you experienced love being turned on and off to you as a child, you probably decided that your worth and goodness depends on your ability to please others. Simply being yourself in this situation earned you little praise or recognition.
4. It’s okay to make mistakes. Young children catch on quickly that love is often conditional. In the face of a mistake, love is withheld and the pattern is established that mistakes are made at the price of affection either from others or from yourself.
5. It’s okay to express yourself. The effort to please your parents, family and friends often comes at the price of self-expression. You become preoccupied with becoming like other people and surrender the chance to express your own uniqueness. In time you learn to live with a sense of inner failure and frustration because you have buried your potential for success.
Take these five messages to heart and think about how you have denied yourself the benefits of self-appreciation in your life. Learning to love yourself is not an overnight transition, but as you process the lessons found in these five steps you will begin to take that critical and life changing journey.
___________________________________
Other MarsVenusLiving.com Health & Happiness Articles
Further Reflections on Freedom
Our True Desires: The First Four Building Blocks
Jackson Story Reveals that Both Mars and Venus Jump Online
The Best Relationship Stress Buster: Exercise
Processing Your Negative Feelings
How Stress Affects Hormones on Mars and Venus
Love Vitamins 2: Essential to Lasting Happiness
The Six Stages of Depression on Venus
The Six Stages of Depression on Mars
Michelle Obama’s Garden of Hope
From Bonnie’s Garden: Feed Your SOL, One Ingredient at a Time
Both Mars and Venus Need a Good Breakfast
Sugar Substitutes Prove to Be a Not So Sweet Deal
When the Search for the Perfect Diet Goes Too Far
___________________________________
Want to accomplish your goals?
Read the book that inspired Oprah and her fans:
How to Get What You Want, and Want What You Have
Posted in Personal Growth, Wellness
MarsVenus Store
John Gray's Bestselling Relationship Books
MarsVenus Coaching
AskMarsVenus Relationship Advice Hotline
Workshops, Seminars and Retreats
content rss
August 13th, 2009 at 8:32 AM
[...] Of course, stories of human resilience abound. Apple founder Steve Jobs rose above dropping out of college, being fired from the company he founded, and, most recently, being diagnosed with an often-lethal form of cancer. Each one of these life changing challenges forced Jobs to adopt a new view of his future. He redefined his future and kept moving forward. [...]
September 29th, 2009 at 8:26 AM
[...] or about one in 28, are blind or have vision so poor that even with glasses, medicine or surgery, everyday tasks are difficult, according to a federal agency, the National Eye [...]
November 24th, 2009 at 4:07 AM
[...] that our obsession with youth to the exclusion of so many other aspects of our journey through life can claim a heavy toll on our overall happiness. It’s difficult to say what if any thing will reverse this [...]