At home, he more than carries his weight–along with the vacuum cleaner.
He grimaces when you ask if he’ll do the dishes, but he’ll roll up his sleeves and pitch in. He may grumble when you lug the vacuum in front of his TV set, but he takes the hint and flips the switch. And although he’d like to hide in the basement when you ask him to do the laundry, he instead reaches for the detergent and sorts colors from whites.
Today, real men don’t just eat quiche, they make it, too. And clean the kitchen after dinner.
That doesn’t mean the 21st Century man likes housework any more than his predecessors.
In fact, new research from the Families and Work Institute, covering 3,500 men and women in dual income relationships, shows that 59% of husbands are conflicted over their new work-life balance, versus just 35 percent of men surveyed in 1977.
During that same period, only 45% of moms reported feeling conflicted an increase of just 5% from the previous study, which is not statistically significant since it falls close to the margin for error.
So why don’t more men put their foot down about doing what has traditionally been known as woman’s work?
Because they recognize that the woman in their lives work too: both at home and at the office.
To help her out, he’s doing chores around the house, and wrangling the kids as well: The number of men acting as principal care providers for their kids has jumped from 21 percent in 1992 to 31 percent in 2008.
So that both partners get their fair share of appreciation, here are four ways to say “thank you:”
1. Make up a list of chores and divvy it up. The easiest way to do this is to take turns choosing items. Of course not all jobs are equal, or need to be done as frequently. So that the work evens out, weight them accordingly.
2. Flip for the hard stuff. Everyone has a chore they hate. If both of you can’t stand, say, cleaning the bathrooms, take turns doing it. It’s only fair.
3. Say “thank you.” You may feel that a few words of thanks aren’t necessary. You’re both in this together, right? Still it’s natural to want appreciation. The more you say thank you, the more your partner looks to please you. (That too is only natural…)
4. Give each other “me time.” It’s easy to be stressed, with the never-ending chores, the needs of your children, and long hours at the office. To put things back on an even keel, gift yourselves an evening off to play together, as well as a weekend morning (or afternoon) apart for free time with friends or for a sport, work-out, or hobby. You’ll both feel better, and be grateful to each other for the needed support.
And that “honey, do” list won’t look so daunting to either of you.
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Other MVL Articles of Interest
Why Committed Relationships Are Good for Your Health
Love and Marriage: How Big Problems Grow Out of Small Stuff
25 Ways to Score with the Woman in Your Life
Unhappy Marriages Are Bad for Your Health
Martians Need to Learn the Art of the Apology
5 Key Traits for Long-Term Loving Couples
Marriage Works. Here’s When and How
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