Preparing for Life’s Unexpected Moments

June 7, 2009

The happiest couples are always in sync.

No matter how happy a life you lead, there will come a day when it seems that everything is just coming to pieces.

The happy 35-year-old man who just learned that he has testicular cancer; the 42-year-old woman who just learned that her 17-year marriage is about to end due to the affair her supposedly faithful husband has been carrying on for the last year; or the parent who learns that her successful daughter has developed a chemical dependency that is at the root of her failure to succeed in college.

That’s only three examples, as you probably know the list of unexpected catastrophes, small and large, stretches on just as far as the eye can see. So what’s the point?

There’s little if anything we can do to derail misfortune when it may be heading our way. But perhaps that is not true. We can’t see many of the blind curves on the road of life ahead but there are still many things we can do to prepare for the unanticipated. Here are four important points to keep in mind:

First, you don’t have to be a person of faith, but it does help to be centered. That means having something in your life that is an unshakable touchstone, a belief, a value, a faith. Perhaps it is a dear friend, a sibling, a soul mate, a parent. A person, better still a close group of people, that you can turn to when the weight of the world seems to be falling down around your shoulders. Just like the person of faith keeps their God close to their heart, you would be wise to keep those special people close as well. Be there for your friends at their time of need and it is far more likely that they will be there for you.

Second, Don’t allow yourself to be submerged in this one moment in time. In other words, as pilots will tell you, “never lose sight of the horizon.” Whatever the crisis and whatever the pain, give some thought to where you expect to be a year or two from now. That’s the horizon you don’t want to lose sight of.

Third, Don’t resist your pain, allow yourself to experience it. Far too many people take life’s curve balls as permission to abuse drugs or alcohol or simply behave as though this setback has no impact on their lives. Covering-up never works and simply causes more pain over a longer period of time. Accept the reality of this crisis and actively plan how you wish to heal as a far more grounded method of recovery.

Fourth, a crisis in our life can be a time for us to stop and count our blessings. While one particular aspect of your life may have gone terribly wrong this is an important time to remember all that has gone right. Give thanks for those gifts and reconsider your life in terms of taking greater advantage of those special gifts.

Wonderful, secure lives look incredibly fragile when the unexpected strikes. Celebrate all those wonderful things, but don’t forget the fragile nature of life. It is that very fragility that makes all of our blessings the pillars upon which we can rebuild our lives after the storm has passed.

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