The Upside of Down Times

March 30, 2009

Even hard times brings a family together.

Tough times in the world of finance or in the world of relationships can bring out the best in us or the worst in us. The choice is ours.

Hardships, whatever and however they hit us as a couple are an inevitable part of shared lives. They can be health, financial, family related, and at different times, chances are, all three will visit you.

The troubled teen that was a good student one year, and the wayward child the next, can put a real strain on a marriage. As can the loss of a job and a downturn in your financial strength. And the health crises that can come suddenly or slowly, or the upheaval that a bad accident can cause.

Each one of these three scenarios presents its own challenges and attacks our underlying assumptions about who we are as a couple and how we can best endure times of great stress.

The upside of down times is how they can act as a catalyst in helping us to discover inner strengths we did not realize we had either as individuals or as partners in a committed relationship. The dark side of this reality, of course, is the opposite result. That occurs when we become the victims of tough times.

Here are three things you can do as a couple to prepare for hard times, or do right now if you’re transitioning through hard times.

1. Tough times don’t last, but tough people do. You’ve probably heard this term. It’s been around for a long time because it has an underlying message of hope that most people embrace. Tough times are when we are tested. When times are flush, and you’re trying to choose between a vacation in Tahiti, or two weeks in Paris, the depth of your courage as a couple is not being tested. When you’re told that the life savings you placed in the “good hands” of Bernie Madoff is now gone, all the assumptions you shared about your future seem to vanish in a single moment. That’s a dramatic example of a reversal in fortune. But what Madoff investors experienced catastrophically, many couples today are experiencing in slow motion as their real estate value, retirement savings, and other investments dwindle. Add to this a job loss and you have a family in deep crisis. What you have left at this point is your core values as a couple. There is a good chance you started out as a couple with very little and while it is deeply distressing to return to that time you can take solace in the fact that you as a couple have so much more knowledge about creating success than you had ten, twenty, or more years ago. This, therefore, is not a time for self-pity, but for the tough to get going.

2. Together, talk about your dreams. Remember, tough times, as a rule, don’t last. You cannot lower yourself into the depths of despair without keeping an eye of the future. Take some time to reflect on where you will be in a year or two. What are some of the fun things that you want to do that for now you need to put on hold? Neither bad times, nor good times endure without end. Change the context and remind yourself frequently that there will come a time when you’re looking back on these days with pride knowing you took on a great challenge and came through.

3. Celebrate the strength you find in each other. There are times to give each other a pep talk and there are times when you just want to hold each other and cry. The point is to respect and appreciate the process. To let a time of crisis draw you near as opposed to pulling you apart. There is a great wisdom in the thought that we can choose to tear down or build up. As a couple, make the knowing choice to build each other up and your relationship will not only survive tough times it will emerge as a stronger and happier union than the one you had before down times ever came through your front door.

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Other MarsVenusLiving.com  Health & Happiness Articles

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Why Committed Relationships Are Good for Your Health

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Posted in Inspiration, Wellness