Over the past four decades our perception of love and romance has evolved significantly. The days of “Me Tarzan, you Jane,” and the daily struggle to simply survive in the jungle, have been replaced by a desire for romance that lasts a lifetime.
By his nature, a man’s actions in the beginning of a relationship are the steps that he follows to achieve a goal. Instinctively, he touches a woman affectionately, buys her flowers, calls her from work, plans dates, look at her when she talks, notices what she is wearing and how beautiful she looks, and behaves in other ways designed to express how deeply he cares.
Practically speaking, he is on the hunt. His goal is a create an intimate relationship with a woman he desires to have as his mate. When and if he achieves his goal and has won her hand and heart, his hunter’s instincts shut down leaving women wondering, “What happened to the man of my dreams?”
In the Martian mind this process is not regressing in his commitment to be a loving partner, but rather progressing to the next phase of commitment. Instead of buying flowers, he shares his earnings. Instead of calling from work, he comes home to her each day. Instead of planning dates, he makes plans for their lives together. Instead of looking and listening to her when she speaks, he feels a greater responsibility for her and tries to solve any and all of her problems.
Most men have little instinct to tell them that the things that they did in courtship are essential now for keeping passion alive. Instead of telling her how beautiful she is or that he loves her, he wears a wedding band that he feels says it all. In the male mind romancing his partner would be taking a step back. Instead he focuses on what it takes to make their lives together a success. To him symbols of that success include such things as starting a family, having a better home, increasing wealth and community status. His principle focus is seeing that they climb higher on the ladder of success.
The most important thing for a woman to realize when she finds herself with a man focused solely on that climb up the ladder of success, is that he needs to know that the steps that created the bond of their shared love are the same steps that can help keep their romance alive. With a woman’s patience, support, and cooperation, a man can shift into giving her what she wants. In truth, what he sees as taking a step back on the relationship ladder is really taking the relationship to a new and more meaningful level. Through a woman’s guidance a man can better understand this fact.
Too often what happens, however, is that a woman’s expectations of continuing romance dissolve into a sense of disappointment and bitterness. This is a trap that can put a relationship into a death spiral that doesn’t need to happen.
By using advanced relationship skills, a woman can assist a man in doing the things he used to do, and eventually in doing even more. The hope of achieving this is rooted in a woman’s understanding that a man’s intentions are innocent. He believes that through his focus on being a protector and provider that he is meeting all of her needs. Of course we know that is not true today; but in the center of most men still beats the heart of a Tarzan that tells him that bringing home dinner is far better than bringing home flowers.
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More MarsVenusLiving.com Articles on Relationships
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Why Romances Makes Sense(s): All 5 of Them
Great Sex Makes for a Better Marriage
What She Can Do When He’s Not In the Mood
Mark Sanford: Governor in Lust
A Kiss Is a Kiss? Hardly! It’s a Biology Test
Our Top 7 Random Acts of Passion
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