Dear John, After a fifteen-year marriage, my husband left 2 and 1/2 years ago, and we are in the process of getting a divorce. Since our breakup, I have dated other men and am in a semi-serious relationship right now. I really like this new person and believe he is almost perfect for me. My problem: I am so filled with memories about my former relationship that I can’t really enjoy someone else fully. I become sad. Basically, I feel as if I can’t move on. Since any new partner has not shared my past, they would have a hard time sharing my future as well. My life is already “created.” After all, I have two children, and the memories I have can never be shared with the next man in my life. What can I do? Carla P., Nashville, TN
Dear Carla,
The reason you find it so hard to consider a future with someone new is because you have not yet healed the hurt of your past breakup.
If the pain is still vivid now, then don’t push yourself further into this relationship until you are ready. We all have tender memories that come with our past loves. Cherish and respect these, but know that life moves forward, not backward. When the time is right for you to take this relationship to the next step, you’ll know it.
Ultimately the man who will become your future life partner will understand that your past is something he cannot fully share, but he will welcome the opportunity to share in your future.
—John Gray
Have a question for John? Email him at Comments@MarsVenusLiving.com
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