Weight . . . Is it my cat?
Dear John, I am a thirty-seven-year old woman and I’ve just bought my own home. I have a terrific career, make good money, I have great friends and the support of my family.
Still, I’ve never been married and I have no kids except the kind with fur and four feet. I just cannot find a man. I typically do the “personals ad thing ” and feel it’s important to be honest. And yet, I am just am not meeting men of quality.
I am full-figured, I have cats (which many men seem to not like; What’s that about?). Maybe most men don’t like this combination, but sorry, it’s my life and I enjoy it. I shutter to think that I have to lose weight or play games to have a man in my life. It’s to the point where I’m just about ready to give up and resign myself to spending my life alone.
My last long-term relationship ended four years ago and lasted three years–three years too long, to be exact. Within two months, we were engaged and living together. Prior to that, the dating was off and on, more off than on. I don’t need a man in my life financially but I am so tired of spending my nights alone and miss all the wonderful things that occur when you have that special someone in your life. So what do I do now? —Cara, Atlanta, GA
Dear Cara,
Other than doing the “personal ad thing,” you don’t say anything else about where you are going when seeking to meet others.
Consider that old expression, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you are getting.” In other words, whatever has been your routine for the last several years is overdue for a change. The sooner you make that change, the better your chances will be of finding the man you are seeking in your life.
I also notice that you suspect your weight or your cats may be the sources of your failing to connect in a relationship. I don’t think that is the case. Are there some men who won’t like you for your appearance or your love of cats? Perhaps–but there are a hundred other reasons why two people don’t work as a couple. What you have to do to change all this is to widen your social circle.
Travel clubs, book clubs, comedy clubs–even Cat clubs may be a place in which you meet others with similar tastes. The guy you’re looking for isn’t hiding in your broom closet. There are a lot of fish in the ocean. It’s time to go fish in a new latitude, and with a new attitude.
—John Gray
Have a question for John? Email him at Comments@MarsVenusLiving.com
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Read Another John Gray Q&A here…
“He Chooses Friends Over Family”
“It’s Not What You Want, But How You Ask”
“My husband is out of work and depressesd about it…”
“Will Having Children Put a Strain on Our Marriage?”
“Can a Broken Relationship Be Mended?”
John Gray Q&A: Wedding Bell Blues
“My husband takes too many trips…”
“Right guy, wrong time. Now what?”
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Want to get serious? Read
I am 44, full-figured, and a cat lady. I recently was catapulted back onto the dating scene after my husband left me. Not every man was interested in me, but a number of men were, and I ultimately was able to select one of several for a longer-term relationship. A couple of things that I think worked in my favor: I genuinely like men and communicated that positively. I am NOT desperate for a husband or children, but am willing to enjoy a gentleman’s company and see what develops. I have a busy and interesting life with or without a boyfriend.
Take your laptop to a coffee shop some evening. I had a guy try to pick me up at Panera the other day, for whatever it’s worth.
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