Shopping is from Mars, Browsing is from Venus

July 27, 2009

Shopping The more we understand our differences, the easier it is for men and women to get along and reduce the friction between us. Instead of expecting our partners to think the way we do, we are able to consider what they want and need to find contentment.

A man’s need for space and a woman’s need for time show up very clearly in our different approaches to shopping. Shopping, particularly for shoes and all other accessories, often lowers a woman’s stress levels, even if no purchase is made. Look in a woman’s closet, and you will find rows of shoes in a variety of colors for every season, mood, or outfit. As for a man, his shoe colors for this season and every season are black and shades of brown.

Watch a man in a mall, shopping with his wife. He is dragging along, hoping the event will soon be over, looking for a bench while his partner is happily strolling along. Looking from left to right, taking in everything, exploring all the new fashions and discovering what is new that might decorate her house or support her children, a family member, or a friend. All these activities stimulate the production of oxytocin. Though this lowers her stress levels, it does nothing for him.

Men shop in ways that stimulate testosterone. A man shopping needs to have a clear destination or goal in mind. Men are most often in pursuit of cars, electronics, or mechanical gadgets. Knowing where he is going and his desired outcome is very important. In general men want to get in and out as quickly as possible. In other words, he’s a man on a mission.

Just the act of spending money can be stress reducing for men. Doing this increases testosterone because the ability to spend money is a sign of competence and power. A woman benefits in a different way. She can use shopping to cope with stress because it can be a nurturing experience. Provided she has the time to shop, nurturing herself can be just as oxytocin producing as nurturing others.

As you may suspect, women are by far the biggest consumers, responsible for over 70 percent of all purchases. Women like to save money, but they like to spend it as well.

This gives rise to the stereotyped image of the women coming home with two shopping bags of goodies and proudly announcing to her husband, “You won’t believe how much money I saved.” For women to have shopping experiences that are stress reducing, they need to make time for it and go with a friend who completely enjoys the experience.

When a woman shops it’s perfectly okay for it to be a hit or miss experience. She is simply gathering what is available and considering her options. Men are invariably disappointed to come home empty handed from a shopping trip. Even in this activity we reflect a reflection of our prehistoric selves in which women gathered, while men hunted.

With nothing to show for an unsuccessful hunt, men are bound to be frustrated. Whereas in the business of gathering, learning more about your options and opportunities, can be very rewarding; even if the very next day you return to the store whatever you acquired the day before.

_______________________________________________

More MarsVenusLiving.com Articles on Relationships

Why Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder

Why Men Go Into Their Caves

Universal Ideas about Mars and Venus Relationships

In Praise of Great Sex

Sexercise: Fitness Never Felt So Good!

Great Sex Comes in a Variety of Choices

The Magic of Romance

Four Kisses a Day Keep Divorce Away

Six Bedroom Passion Killers

Why Romances Makes Sense(s): All 5 of Them