Universal Ideas about Mars and Venus Relationships
July 18, 2009
Weddings take preparation. So do marriages.
The coming together of two people to form a more perfect union is in and of itself a thing of beauty. But no one said that this beauty is created or maintained easily.
Over the last seventeen years, a series of Mars/Venus books has given much thought to what makes relationships work and not work. Here are a series of brief excerpts from six of those books providing words of hope, caution, and encouragement for the millions of us who are busy working on our relationships, healing from past relationships, hoping to find love again, or finding love for the very first time.
From Mars and Venus on a Date: There is something special about every woman, but what makes a woman more special to a particular man is the special chemistry he feels for her. This chemistry cannot be created. It either exists or it doesn’t exist. An apple seed is an apple seed. It can’t become anything other than an apple tree. The only thing we can do is make sure we recognize its needs and give it a chance to grow. Too much water can rot the roots, while not enough will starve it. How we approach a relationship can either prevent or support the growth of attraction.
From Practical Miracles for Mars & Venus: The secret to lasting love is creating an intimate relationship primarily for the purpose of giving, not getting. Ideally, before we marry, we should learn to be self-sufficient. When we already have a fulfilled life and love ourselves, we are not as dependent on our partner. If and when we get our partner’s love, it is a special gift.
From Mars and Venus Book of Days: In male/female relationships, the solution is not in denying that differences exist. The potential for conflict is resolved solely by honoring and respecting each other and finding creative ways to fulfill our differing needs.
From Why Mars and Venus Collide: Our brains developed with gender differences to ensure our survival. These adaptations have taken thousands of years to occur. It is unrealistic to expect our brains to change suddenly to adapt to the vast changes in our gender roles in the least fifty years. These changes are at the core of the stress that is causing Mars and Venus to collide. If we are to thrive and not just survive, we need to update our relationship skills in ways that reflect our natural abilities, tendencies, and needs.
From Mars and Venus Starting Over: Of all losses, the loss of love is most painful. When we suffer other disappointments and injustices, it is love that comforts the soul and makes our pain bearable. In our daily lives, when we experience loss, rejection, or failure, our minds protect us by remembering that at home we are loved. But when love is lost, there is no way to find relief; there is no comfort or protection. Most often we are not aware of how much we rely on this support until it is taken away.
From Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: To be successful in our relationships we must accept and understand the different seasons of love. Sometimes love flows easily and automatically, at other times it requires effort. Sometimes our hearts are full and at other times we are empty. We must not expect our partners to always be loving or even to remember how to be loving. We must also give ourselves the gift of understanding and not expect to remember everything we have learned about being loving.
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Read Another John Gray Q&A here…
“It’s Not What You Want, But How You Ask”
“My husband is out of work and depressesd about it…”
“Will Having Children Put a Strain on Our Marriage?”
“Can a Broken Relationship Be Mended?”
John Gray Q&A: Wedding Bell Blues
“My husband takes too many trips…”
Mars and Venus Q&A: He Put Friends Over Family
“Right guy, wrong time. Now what?”
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