March 9, 2010
Kathryn Bigelow’s victory for best director in Sunday night’s Oscars’ ceremony provided a surprising moment for millions of those who tuned in to watch. Undoubtedly the 3,400 attendees seated inside Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre knew that Bigelow’s victory, if it came, would be a first, but the majority of all those far removed from the business of the film industry were most likely surprised to learn that not only was the Bigelow award a first, but that she was just the fourth woman to ever be nominated in this prestigious category.
“Celluloid Ceiling,” which is an annual review issued by San Diego State University detailing employment opportunities for women in the supposedly liberally minded field of film production, reported that out of the 250 top grossing films released in North America during 2009, women directed only seven percent of them. That represents a decrease of two percent form 2008, and more remarkably, it indicates that there has been no change in the percentage of women directing major films since 1987. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Career 
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March 8, 2010
Dear John, Before I married “Tom,” we discussed what “success” in life meant to both of us. We are both well paid executives in different high tech companies and enjoy a high standard of living. We agreed that success for us was starting and raising a wonderful family. Before we married, we both agreed that during the following year, I would stop working and we would start a family, Therefore, we would begin adjusting our standard of living accordingly, paying down our debt and getting our finances in great shape. So after we married, Tom left his apartment and moved into my house. I continued to pay heavily on my all my debts and on the home we now share. Then, four weeks into the marriage, Tom pulled up in a brand new, very expensive sports car. I was not at all involved in the decision to purchase the car, and we have been arguing since. After asking him about his decision to make a large purchase without me, his response was, “I’ve been afraid of this commitment to start a family since the day we married and I have been focusing on taking care of myself.”
His purchase and that conversation now stand for “all that appears to be wrong with our relationship.” This is his third marriage and my first. I have asked for an annulment from him, but he says we can still make our marriage work. He believes now that all his feelings are finally out in the open, and we can move on. Still, my gut instinct is telling me to get out. John, what do you think? Patricia in Fairfax, Virginia Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in John Says, Q&A No Comments »
March 7, 2010
In this week’s video message John discusses new research which indicates that communication we have in our relationships stimulates the brain’s healthy growth and function as we age. In fact just this week, UC Irvine neurobiologists have provided the first visual evidence that learning promotes brain health and staves off many of the damaging effects of aging on our ability to think and process thoughts and memories.
Using a unique visualization technique to study memory, a research team led by Lulu Chen and Christine Gall found that everyday forms of learning animate neuron receptors that help keep brain cells functioning at their optimum levels. These receptors are activated by a protein which facilitates the growth and differentiation of the connections, or synapses, responsible for communication among neurons. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in John Says, Message from Mars 1 Comment »
March 6, 2010
Dear Lauren, I am in a long distance relationship. Before he left we committed to spending our lives together. It was great! We emailed and web chated everyday; we even planned my visit to see him. But the lack of communication grew day by day. After about a month, I ended it through a breakup letter expressing my hurt. I basically asked how anyone who truly loved me could exclude me like this and be this inconsiderate of my feelings? He called once but I missed it. Since then, he hasn’t contacted me. If he really wanted to, he would have tried calling several times. Shouldn’t he at least send me some kind of response to give me closure? Dee in Bristol, Tennessee
Dear Dee, I understand how your impulses lead you to take this action. As trained as I am in Mars/Venus protocol, there is always the tiny voice inside me that speaks up when I’m not getting enough attention. It says, “Walk away…really dramatically! If I threaten to leave him then he’ll have to run after me. He’ll make a big show of how much he loves me to win me back.” Unfortunately, this is a crazy voice and should, under every circumstance, be ignored! It is immature, catty, manipulative, and most of all, disappointing, because it never yields what you want it to. All it does is push the other person away. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Dating, –Guys Are from Mars, Girls Are from Venus 1 Comment »
March 5, 2010
For most of the second half of the last century, couples cohabitating were said to be “living in sin.” And prior to 1950, well let’s just say it was not done. In the 19th Century, cohabitation was considered a scandal.
Today, as we suspect you know, more couples than ever before cohabitate, at least for a brief time, prior to marriage. (For the purposes of the study, cohabitation is defined as a man and a woman, not married, living together, and having a sexual relationship.) It’s also important to know that the results of this study commissioned by the National Center for Health Statistics, a division of the US Department of Health and Human Services, were based on a nationally representative sample of 12,571 men and women aged 15–44 living in the United States.
The study revealed that cohabitation is not as harmful to a relationship or to a couple’s chances at a successful marriage as opponents of cohabitation have claimed in the past. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in MV Marriage Initiative, Marriage No Comments »
March 4, 2010
The most common way women unknowingly start arguments with their intimate partners is by not being direct when they share their feelings. Instead of directly expressing her dislike or disappointment, a woman asks rhetorical questions and communicates her disapproval. Even though this is often not the message she wants to give.
A common example of this dynamic occurs when a man arrives late. Rather than saying directly, “I don’t like waiting for you when you are late,” or, “I was worried that something had happened to you.” She will instead ask a serious of rhetorical questions, such as: “How could you be so late?” or “What am I supposed to think when you’re late?” or “Don’t you think you could have called?”
Often when a woman is upset the tone of her voice reveals that she is not looking for a valid answer but is making the point that there is no acceptable reason for the offending behavior. At the same time, what a man hears in questions like, “Why didn’t you call?” is her admonishment of his action regardless of his reasons. Worse, he feels her intrusive desire to help him be a more responsible individual. He in turn becomes defensive, while she has no knowledge of how painful her disapproval is to him. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Couple Communication, Marriage No Comments »
March 3, 2010
The most common way men start arguments is by invalidating a woman’s feelings or point of view.
Here’s a common example: A man will often make light of a woman’s negative feelings. He will say something like, “Don’t worry about it.” Said to another man this phrase would seem friendly and reassuring. But said to an intimate female partner it is both insensitive and hurtful.
At other times a man might try to quell a woman’s sense of upset by saying, “It’s no big deal.” He follows that comment with what he sees as a variety of practical solutions. He anticipates that she will be happy and relieved by this “support.” He’s perplexed and frustrated when she feels invalidated, unsupported, and in fact, simply dismissed. She cannot appreciate his solution until he validates her need to be upset.
A man than compounds his offense by explaining why she shouldn’t be upset. Unfortunately, he has no idea that his attitude makes her feel as though she has no right to be upset. In trying to explain himself, there is a good chance that the only message she will hear is that he simply does not care about her feelings. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Couple Communication, Marriage 1 Comment »
Kathryn Bigelow’s victory for best director in Sunday night’s Oscars’ ceremony provided a surprising moment for millions of those who tuned in to watch. Undoubtedly the 3,400 attendees seated inside Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre knew that Bigelow’s victory, if it came, would be a first, but the majority of all those far removed from the business of the film industry were most likely surprised to learn that not only was the Bigelow award a first, but that she was just the fourth woman to ever be nominated in this prestigious category.
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