Understanding The Four Temperaments of Children

April 9, 2009

Acknowledging your children's differences makes them happy.

After the first year of a child’s life, a parent will, for the first time, be able to see those characteristics that will begin to define their child’s distinct personality. Any adult who has one or more siblings knows that several children can be the offspring of the same two parents, yet have their own unique likes and dislikes.

In large part, these personalities are guided by a quality we call temperament. Here we present four distinct temperaments and you’ll probably see yourself, your siblings, your spouse, your parents, and most importantly your children in the profiles of these various characteristics. Why this knowledge can be particularly valuable to a parent is that in understanding the unique motivating factors for each temperament a parent is better able to recognize the needs of each individual child.

While none of us are all one temperament without elements of the three other characteristics added to the mix, you will see yourself–and those closest to you–through these qualities in a new and revealing light…

The sensitive child. These children thrive on empathy. They want to be heard and understood. Without that type of support, they will regularly declare some form of distress: they have a headache, or a stomachache, for example.

Ignored by their parents, these problems will grow in size. What you don’t want to do as the parent of a sensitive child is to be dismissive of their issues. They don’t want to be cheered up when they say “I had a really tough day at school.”

Instead, they’re looking for a response such as, “I had a really hard day at the office.” When parents can listen and understand a sensitive child, that child will open up quickly and a parent will be delighted to see that this temperament can unfold into a thoughtful, perceptive, and deeply caring individual.

The active child. Far less reflective than sensitive children, active temperaments are focused on taking action and getting results. Parents will face a lot of resistance when working with active children if they are not prepared to approach them with a plan. In other words, telling the child in advance what you plan to do when you arrive at the park is very important. Without structure and supervision the active child will become resistant.

Therefore in working well with an active temperament a parent needs to show decisive and consistent leadership. Putting active children in a leadership position with clear guidelines is the best way to gain their cooperation.

The responsive child. These children are social and outgoing. Responsive children have naturally short attention spans and move from one activity to another like a bee moving from flower to flower. Gradually as they mature, responsive children learn how to focus and stay with a particular topic, but as young children it is very important for parents not to shame them for being forgetful and wondering off point. The world is an amazing place with hundreds of fascinating experiences and the responsive child is simply more tuned in to this kaleidoscope aspect of life than any of the other three temperaments.

The receptive child. Receptive children are more concerned with the daily flow of life. While the responsive child wants to know what just happened, the receptive child wants to know what will happen next. Take a receptive child out of the loop and they will become resistant. Receptive children are generally the most good-natured of all four temperaments, but will resist unexpected changes, particularly in their daily routine. They need to be gently persuaded to take on new challenges because they will be reluctant to leave any pattern that has worked well for them previously.

In Chapter 4 (New Skills to Minimize Resistance) of John Gray’s best selling book, Children Are from Heaven, you can read a full description of each of the four temperaments and how parents can maximize the potential of their child while honoring the requirements of their own unique temperaments.

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