Q&A: Will Having Children Put a Strain on Our Marriage?

May 14, 2009

Don't doubt you can be a great parent and provider.

Dear John, My husband and I are in our mid-30s and expecting our first child. We’ve had a wonderful, growing relationship these past five years. I have read that after the child is born, there is a lot of strain on a relationship, and I have been noticing our friends’ reactions to my pregnancy. Most of the women who are parents go all dewy-eyed over the news and congratulate me. But about half the guys-especially the divorced ones-take my husband aside and warn him that life will never be the same again, and that children are a strain on the relationship. Why do so many men seem to have had such a bad experience with fatherhood? How can my husband and I best nurture each other before, during, and after the baby is born so our relationship remains as good as it has been and continues to strengthen and grow? – Realistic, in Alpharetta, GA

Dear New Mom, As a parent of three, this is one man who believes that the addition of a child to your family is one of life’s most rewarding experiences. As your friends are trying to point out, it can also present some challenging dilemmas, particularly if you don’t take the time to nurture your relationship with your partner while you are also nurturing your children.

Stress, brought on by such issues as time management, financial concerns, and emotional growth, can manifest into lowered energy levels and sex drives for both partners. To keep the fires of your passion burning brightly, you’ll have to make time for yourselves-both together and alone-after your child is born. This means scheduling regular dates and occasional getaways for just the two of you. It also means open conversations on issues you are currently facing, and issues you may soon confront.

You chose your mate because you felt he was the person with whom you could best face life’s challenges. Trust in your judgment that the two of you will enjoy this wonderful journey together.

_______________________________

Read Another John Gray Q&A here…

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“Can a Broken Relationship Be Mended?”

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