Questions That Will Turn off Your Man to Sex
October 16, 2009
Asking a man a series of questions about why he is not in the mood to be intimate is not only an immediate turnoff, but can prevent him from being in the mood in the future. Here are fifteen questions not to ask if he does not respond to your sexually inviting signals:
#1: What’s wrong?
#2:Â Don’t you want to have sex with me anymore?
#3: You used to always want sex?
#4: Is it because you think I’m getting fat?
#5: Are you still attracted to me?
#6: Don’t I turn you on anymore?
#7 Do you still love me?
Any of these seven questions sound familiar? If not, how about these final eight?
#8: Maybe we should talk about it? #9: Maybe we should get help? #10: Are we ever going to have sex again? #11: You were looking at other women tonight. Don’t you want to be with me anymore? #12: Would you rather be with someone else? #13: Did I do something to turn you off? #14: Why don’t you want to have sex? #15: What’s the matter, is something wrong?
Certainly there may be appropriate times you can ask at least some of these questions, but they are definitely not recommended when you have just undressed in front of him and he is tired and turning away. Instead, you should respond at this most sensitive moment as if everything is fine and okay. This is not the time for you to seek his reassurance about your sex life.
By being neutral and indirect, you can more successfully maintain the non-demanding message that welcomes him if and when he happens to be in the mood.
If he is not in the mood, you can go to bed knowing that you will have sex soon. If, however, you are really in the mood, and he simply is not, you may enjoy self gratification. If so, it is very important that a man support a woman’s need to masturbate so that she doesn’t feel deprived of having an orgasm if her body happens to want that at a particular time when he is not in the mood.
This mutual understanding can work very well. If he knows he is welcome to join in at any time, or not, he will tend to wait till you have almost climaxed and then will want to join in. This method invariably works well because there is little if any pressure on him to perform.
It is always assumed in our society that men self stimulate and masturbate on a regular basis. While this is very often the case with women as well, it is rarely discussed between couples.
After hearing about this approach, a man may decide to reassure his partner that it’s fine with him if you wake him up and include him right before you are about to have an orgasm. When this happens on occasion it is like calling a man to a dinner table where the only thing he has to do is sit down and enjoy himself.
In truth, men can tire of carrying the responsibility to arouse their partners. This is particularly true for couples that engage in regular sex play. Letting him know that you want to take responsibility now and then for achieving, or at least starting, your own sexual satisfaction, can be an enormous turn on for him. And as we all know, turning on, is so much more fun, than turning off.
_______________________________________________
More MarsVenusLiving.com Articles on Romance and Sex
Why Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder
British Sex ID Test Reveals Women Are More Empathetic (Duh)
Chimpanzees Are from Mars, Bonobos Are from Venus
Sexercise: Fitness Never Felt So Good!
Mate Poaching: When Single Women Seek Attached Men
Four Kisses a Day Keep Divorce Away
Why Romances Makes Sense(s): All 5 of Them
Happy Marriages Have Sex and Passion
Autumn’s Chill Arrives, and Love Is In the Air
Great Sex Makes for a Better Marriage
A Kiss Is a Kiss? Hardly! It’s a Biology Test
Our Top 7 Random Acts of Passion
_______________________________________________
Posted in Romance & Sex
MarsVenus Store
John Gray's Bestselling Relationship Books
MarsVenus Coaching
AskMarsVenus Relationship Advice Hotline
Workshops, Seminars and Retreats
content rss
October 16th, 2009 at 11:50 AM
Um. If I am responsible for satisfying his sexual needs and desires within a relationship, isn’t he responsible for returning the favor? Or at least for telling me what’s going on?
October 26th, 2009 at 2:02 PM
“If I am responsible for satisfying his sexual needs and desires within a relationship, isn’t he responsible for returning the favor?”
Pjane, I think you are raising a great point. I also think it is important that both parties in a relationship feel satisfied, respected, appreciated, and fulfilled. I think ultimately we are responsible for making sure we get what we need in our life and relationships and it would be unfair to lay the burden solely on our partner.
I think the point this article is trying to make is that men and women have different sensitivities and by understanding these differences in a more positive way we can make sure we can learn how to best support our partners.
Just like women tend to be most vulnerable and sensitive when it comes to sharing her inner most feelings, men tend to be most vulnerable in the bedroom. Erection, for example, is not something he can simply choose to have. Now this is not to say that there aren’t other ways that a man can satisfy a woman sexually, nor is to say, as the article pointed out, that it is not important to talk about what is going on in the bedroom. But simply that it is important for you to not to talk about these things at the time when he may feel like he has “failed” or for you to question his love or attraction to you when you have found out that he is not in the mood.
Just like it is important for a man to learn to be a better listener and be more respectful of her feelings in order to create a more loving relationship, it is important for women to learn to be more supportive when men are most vulnerable as well. By understanding our different sensitivities in a more positive light in this way both men and women can support each other better to create even more love and happiness.
November 8th, 2009 at 6:21 AM
it seems the common theme to say men want sex and women want romance. in my relationship he seems to want to be romantic and fall asleep cuddling and its me that wants sex all the time, i feel really disappointed in all we do is cuddle. is that weird?