Obviously, there is no “one size fits all” answer to that question. But it is far easier to understand when in a relationship you and your partner are ready to have sex if you have an understanding of the four paths to connecting and experiencing true intimacy – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Unless we endeavor to nurture each of these different aspects of who we are, we are not ready to become deeply intimate in any relationship. If we rush into being too intimate on one level, that most commonly being physical, prior to feeling any real connection on any other level, the results are often counterproductive and potentially disastrous to the chances of having a happy and lasting relationship.
When couples have physical intimacy before being connected on these three other levels, the man generally ends up pulling away while the woman feels more needy for the relationship to hold together. A degree of neediness and pulling away are part of the expected Mars/Venus dynamic, but when we are not prepared on all levels, these reactions can be extreme and bring about an abrupt end to the relationship.
When we are not connected at all levels, after sex a man may well pull away so boldly that he doesn’t come back to the relationship. A woman will feel so needy that she will begin to pursue the man as he pulls away and thereby turn him off. In many instances this is not so much their true desire, but rather a response to our basic hormonal instincts. Sex causes a surge in testosterone for a male and a surge in oxytocin for a female. Testosterone causes him to become restless and wonder about other possible conquests, while oxytocin can be thought of as the instinct to cling. When all four paths of intimacy have previously been opened, however, a man and a woman are both ready to experience true intimacy.
Think of it this way: Our physical connection is through sex, our emotional connection is through affection, our mental connection is shown through mutual interests, and our spiritual connection is made through acts of unconditional love.
Whether we are dating or married for many years, each of the four aspects of our being must be enlivened for our intimacy to grow. In fact in order to sustain genuine intimacy on any one level, we must make sure we nurture our connection at each of these four levels, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. When we sense an emotional, mental, and spiritual connection with another being, physical intimacy becomes deeper and more meaningful than we might have previously ever imagined as possible.
[...] from one good article that discusses when you are ready for sex explains these connections in this way: “Our physical connection is through sex, our emotional [...]