The Shy Guy. He doesn't just live in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Dear Lauren, I know I’m a cute guy. I hear that from girls all the time. Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror, I see a tongue-tied creep with bad skin. Needless to say, I can never get up the nerve to ask a girl out, even when she’s dropping hints that she’d say yes if I did. Any advice would help. –Too Shy, in Tallahassee, FL
You are not alone. Everyone sees something different when they look in the mirror. It’s the curse of the human condition. I used to have really bad skin and it would make me feel like I just wanted to go unnoticed. I smiled less, didn’t laugh as loud as I wanted to, and while I felt like I could raise my hand with the solution in class I didn’t because I didn’t want everyone looking at me. Clearly all they would see was my skin.
One day Dad told me that when I smile that’s all people see and it made me look beautiful. I realized that letting my insecurities rule my behavior made my faults more obvious. I wore them as a mask and didn’t show the beautiful person underneath. I started not looking in the mirror as much. People thought I was beautiful. Guys liked me. Why was I getting in my own way?
The best advice I can give you is to ignore that voice that says you are a tongue-tied creep with bad skin. You are your own worst enemy.
Girls are attracted to guys that are talented or smart or good at something. Why? Because if a guy is good at something then he is confidant. All you have to do is stop looking in the mirror. Laugh more. Take the mask off. If you feel good about you, the girls can tell and they will feel good about liking you.
If you are tongue-tied then don’t talk so much. Sometimes all a girl wants is for a guy to listen and make eye contact and nod like he knows what the hell she’s talking about. Focus on what you are good at. If it’s sports, make sure the girl you like is watching. If it’s music, write her a stupid song about her quirks and play it. Just flaunt what you’re good at and ignore everything you don’t like about yourself. We are who we are and we learn and we grow but that only happens when we accept ourselves and work with what we got.
The more positive feedback you get, the more confident you will become. If you like a girl and she has given you signals then go up to her and say “I’d like to spend more time with you. Would you like to go to the beach with me this weekend?” or anywhere you want to suggest. Date ideas are usually movies and dinners but if you feel too much pressure with something so direct and typical than invite her on a walk, or out for an ice cream, or to a fair or to play miniature golf. When you have an activity you are doing together there is less pressure to come up with things to talk about and there is less eye contact so you don’t feel so self-conscious.
Remember you are not alone. Everyone is insecure. Every guy I’ve met is nervous about asking a girl out. Every girl knows it. When you bite the bullet and ask a girl out, she is automatically impressed. You’ve shown you’ve got balls. She likes that.
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I’m a doctor of psychology once removed: I’m John Gray’s daughter, so lets just say relationship know-how runs in my genes. Since the day I hit puberty, friends and acquaintances have come to me for advice. Twelve years later I’m finally making my skills available to the public. Finally! Dad’s brilliant and all, but sometimes it takes someone a little younger to really grasp the issues that are relevant to young people today. I look forward to giving you whatever help I can. Email me here at comments@marsvenusliving.com. –Lauren Gray
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Lauren Gray is our newest MarsVenusLiving columnist.
Her column will appear weekly, on Saturdays.
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Other MVL Articles about Dating, Singles and Divorce
Ten Great Places to Meet Your Soul Mate
Martians Need to Learn the Art of the Apology
Walking Away from Intimate Violence
Why Women Won’t Say: “I Love You, Man Boy.”
Reel Romance: 4 Date Night Films
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