How To Call A Guy

Yes, you can call him, and here's how.

In part one of this two-part story on why men have post date call reluctance, we ended by suggesting that a woman consider picking up the phone and calling him.

Because some woman have tried this in the past without success, or because they know someone who’s done so and regretted it (particularly when drunk dialing), many shy away from calling guys with whom they’ve connected.

However, when a woman understands why so many men don’t call back, she’ll feel more comfortable hitting his digits.

Women, here are seven calling tips that will put you face-to-face with him in no time:

1. Don’t call if you’re upset. If you’re ticked off that he hasn’t called or texted you yet, don’t call him to “give him a piece of your mind.” That’s all but a sure relationship killer. After all, the purpose of the call is to get beyond his Martian call reluctance and to get the relationship moving forward. Your anger works against all that. Instead, talk it over with a friend. You’ll find the reinforcement you need to reach out to him with a message that says: “I enjoyed our time together–and can’t wait to do it again…”

2. When you do call, don’t pepper him with questions. Unless a man is ready to enter into the commitment stage of a relationship, he is very reluctant to answer a question like, “Where do you see this relationship going?” His fear of these sorts of questions is one big reason he was reluctant to call in the first place. Instead ask a casual question, like “How does your schedule look for next week? Maybe we can meet for lunch, or a drink after work?”

3. Be upbeat. The single most important ingredient if you want to make a successful call is to be positive. Say things like, “I had such a good time;” or, “that was a great movie, and I really loved that little restaurant we ate at afterwards.” The fastest way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach, it’s by telling him he did the right thing and that he made you happy.

4. Make the topic of conversation the time you shared, don’t make it about him. If you make the talk about how much you enjoyed being with him he feels trapped to say the same about you. And while he might have that same good feeling he’s too coy to be that forthcoming. Again, keep it light and he’ll stay on board.

5. At this time avoid negatives. Why? Because there’s plenty of time for complications down the road. For now you want to keep things simple. Venusians are generally unaware how much Martians are attached to the choices they make. If the movie, the restaurant, the whatever, was a disappointment, keep that to yourself. If you give him the idea that you’re difficult to please you’ll be sending him the wrong message.

6. Don’t offer any unsolicited advice. Men need to think that they have something to offer. The more competent a man is in your eyes the greater the attraction he will feel towards you. There’s plenty of time for spirited debates in the weeks, months, and perhaps years ahead. But not now. This does not mean you have to happily agree with every utterance he makes. It does mean that if you’re looking for a debate, call your mom. If you’re hoping to get a relationship going make him realize that you value his opinion.

7. It’s fine to ask for his help, but don’t offer your help in any way. Here’s the simple rule to remember: The more a man succeeds in helping a woman, the more attracted he will be to her. It’s fine to give help, if he asks for it, but unsolicited help says that you want to mother him. Most men do not want a second mom, and the few that do, you’d be better off not to pursue.

8. No drunk dialing. No sexting. Never. Ever. Sure, lascivious show-and-tell will get his attention–fast–but is that really the message you want to give him? Yes, if you’re looking for a one-night stand or to be friends with benefits. No, if you’re looking for a long-term proposition.

You can beat male call reluctance with a plan, but just know that there are ways to make that move work, and ways that it can fail. Just think about what you’re going to say before you call, and then if you haven’t heard from him, enter his number–

And hit “send.”

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Other MVL Articles about Dating, Singles and Divorce

Ten Great Places to Meet Your Soul Mate

Martians Need to Learn the Art of the Apology

Walking Away from Intimate Violence

Why Women Won’t Say: “I Love You, Man Boy.”

Why Guys Don’t Call

Dating on a Budget

Reel Romance: 4 Date Night Films

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Tired of Flirting? Must Be Time to Get Serious.

Read Mars and Venus on a Date