Just two days ago we wrote a piece called Meeting A Great Mate Offline. In our conclusion we talked about the importance of flirting and having confidence in your ability to catch the interest and attention of someone you find attractive.
Let’s start with the issue of confidence. Obviously, it’s a pretty tricky and somewhat sensitive subject because it strikes at the core issue of how we see and value ourselves. If you’ve ever witnessed a pick up at a bar, at a gym, or a dozen other places people meet, you’ve probably noticed that the confidence level people exhibit is as varied as any other facet of people’s personalities.
You have the guys and gals who are often not the most physically attractive people showing a great deal of self assuredness in how they approach a member of the opposite sex and just as often you’ll see a handsome guy get all tongue tied simply trying to introduce himself to the woman standing next to him.
The issue of feeling insecure about one’s ability to flirt with a member of the opposite sex can run through the very core of an individual and be the manifestation of other emotional issues, but beyond that it is often a case of awkwardness and uncertainty as to what to do when. So let’s deal with that topic and take a realistic look at your potential to flirt with confidence.
Begin to build your confidence by better understanding flirting technique. We associate the term flirting with women, but as you know from biology 101, in nearly all species, males and females flirt, and humans are no exception to that rule
Guys generally have a harder time getting a conversation initiated, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily easy for a woman to do so. A first important step is to “dress for success.” That means having the right look for the right occasion. Perhaps it’s not fair to go so far as to say, “clothes makes the person.” But feeling confident that you look good in what you’re wearing means that confidence will come shining through. That doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune on designer clothes. It means being a careful shopper and taking the time to try on different items. If you do there is a very good chance that you’ll find what you want at a price you want to pay.
Second, it’s not just what you say, but how you say it. The simple truth is that you can say something witty and smart but rush to say it and not be clearly heard. Or you can take your time, speak softy, and somewhat seductively, and have the person you’re speaking to lean in to hear you a little better. In other words, presentation, particularly in the early stages of getting to know each other, counts for a lot. Don’t hesitate to practice a little in your own room all by yourself. When Lincoln was a young man he’d practice public speaking in an empty field of corn. Everyone things that a smooth sophisticated manner comes naturally. That’s a myth, in almost all cases it’s practiced repeatedly. No one would expect to give a violin recital without having ever played a violin, and yet we think we can flirt with confidence without having planned and practiced our approach.
Third, never forget that you’re going to get turned down now and then and you’re going to be disappointed with how you handled yourself at times. No one learns without making mistakes. Just let them happen. Better to make mistakes and practice then to never try. Sure it feels bad to flirt and flop. But what’s far worse than that is to let one opportunity after another pass you by without trying. Remember baseball legend Babe Ruth: in his era he hit more home runs than any other player, but he also struck out a record setting number of times. Keep swinging for the fences.
Flirting confidence is not an ability that you perfect in one night, one week, or one month. But get out there and practice, and you’ll see a lot of improvement in very little time
